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Week 13 Reading Part B
I read Dharma's version of The Mahabharata where Dṛṣṭadyumna chastises the Pandava brothers. Arjuna is really sad that so many people ...
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My name is Albert. I am a letters-constitutional studies major here at OU and I am pre-med. During the summer time I sell books door-to-door... -
C all me Patrick. Some years ago, while I was was mingling at the Spouter Inn, I heard stories of great whaling adventures. I heard stories ...
Hey , Albert starting off; the way your project was set up was easy to navigate, there was no confusion or problems searching through what you had. I first went to the introduction page and read that so I knew what I was getting myself into, then after that I went to the actually story and I was impressed with the amount of story there was for me to read. I really enjoyed the mystery behind the story and the dialogue was my favorite part. It brings the story to life, it makes you want to act out the characters. The author's note was very informative on why you wrote this story too. telling us why you wrote this story help me relate it back to the RAMA stories we get to read and I felt like you not only made this story very informing but you made it fun, you made it relatable to people of this generation.
ReplyDeleteAlbert,
ReplyDeleteSeeing as I am familiar with the star, I am cracking up.
First, the theme and the layout of your website is really good. It is easy to navigate and it is appealing to the reader. I also like how you have an introduction tab. I feel like this help other readers realize what they are dealing with when it comes to Patrick.
Your first story is really good! I like how you started the story with the 4:20 am part. I died laughing. I also like all the dialogue within the story. It help allows the readers to personalize with the characters. The picture of Patrick is good to, with the wardrobe and all. The only thing that might help the story is if you took some of the spaces out of story. It might make it easier to read.
Overall, your project is excellent and I am going to be commenting on it every week!! Tell the star to keep it real.
Hey Brandon! Thanks for commenting! I always appreciate hearing your kind words!
ReplyDeleteHey Albert! I still think your project is the most comical because I love Patrick Star and can tell you are putting all of your effort into making sure the story fits with the outline of your ideas. The design of your project is perfect with all of the colors and pictures. I also love the personalized images with Patrick and the incorporation of him into stories. I really enjoy how you separate you writing as in describing the scene, Patrick reflecting, and then describing Patrick. I think that this does a great job of setting the scene of events. I also think that you did a good job explaining in the Author's note how you created your version of the story based off others and ideas you have. I also like how you lead the disappearing of Patrick right into your next story, it makes for a great sequel beginning.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI really laughed the whole time while reading your story because Patrick is the main character. I think it's a Brilliant idea to write a story incorporating Inferno and stories from this semester. I enjoyed the mixtures of Canto's and Short stories by Patrick. I thought your images gave a slight picture to the fact that Patrick is on a journey, and the other photo's went well for the story as well.
Hey Albert,
ReplyDeleteYour site concept is easily one of the most unique ones I have seen in this class so far. I have never read the literature that you mentioned you are basing your stories off of (except the Ramayana and Mahabharata, of course) so the story structure is a little foreign to me. However, it was still very enjoyable to read. I found your author’s notes to be particularly useful. In most of the other stories I’ve read, I pretty much get the context of the source story because I have already read it. However, with your stories, I’d assume most of us have not read the stories you are referencing, so your author’s notes will be infinitely more important than the rest of ours. That’s not to say your current notes are bad. They provide context in a very concise and effective way. Just keep doing that! I don’t know if I am able to more comments on the same blog each week, but I think I’m definitely going to stop by at yours and at least read it.
Hey Albert! This week I decided to look at your blog to see how it was coming along. Words cannot describe how much I liked your blog posts! The site is very easy to navigate and understand and the content is very good as well. So, good job! There was definitely a lot of thought that was put behind each of your stories. It is also really interesting how you are using the stories that you have read in other lectures as your inspiration. Poetry and short stories really do transcend time. It will be interesting to see how you combine Auden with Indian Epics. Your author's notes are also very easy to understand. I noticed I have a hard time explaining my motivations, but you were able to do this with no problem. Both stories were also easy to follow. Overall, keep up the good work! I can't wait to read the next story.
ReplyDeleteAlbert, wow! When I saw that your project was about Patrick, it peaked my interest, but them when I read more and saw it was about Patrick and Inferno and Patrick getting sent to hell, I had to read more. That is such an original concept and I like how you combined a funny character like Patrick with a scary book like Inferno. I have never read Pride and Prejudice or Moby Dick before, so I want to thank you and praise you on your author's notes. You did a good job explaining the inspiration of each book on your own writing and story. I am curious as to what level of hell Patrick will be sent to next! Personally, I think it would be funny to see Patrick in the heresy circle of hell for trying to pass off mayonnaise as an instrument. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Albert,
ReplyDeleteWow I can really see you have passion for writing and are tech savvy.I love how you incorporated a funny part into your story. I got a good chuckle. I have not had the pleasure of reading the Inferno so all I had was what you gave me. I thought that was very helpful. I have read Pride and Prejudice and Moby Dick. Like where did you find all these hilarious Patrick photos hahah. I love it. I think you have done and amazing job and you should be so proud of your project.I really didn't think there was anything you needed to change. I am very bad at picking out the little details and find flaws. I am more of a big picture girl and I get what you are trying to say even if you mess up. I can't wait to read more from you. Long live Patrick.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI must be honest. When I first read through your story I was a bit confused about Patrick, but then I went back to the Introduction and realized that THE Patrick Star was your header picture and actually laughed so hard. I reread the story and everything makes perfect sense now! I loved your first story. I think the dialogue is great, however it was a bit hard to read because it was spaced out. Personally, I like more visuals, so perhaps consider writing a bit more details to set the scene. What if you kept the dialogue, but wrote a descriptive paragraph or so after a few sentences of dialogue? I think that may really help the readers visualize your story! On another note, I really like that you're tying in classic novels with a very different character, it makes your stories really unique and interesting! I look forward to coming back and reading more of your portfolio.
Hello Albert. I really like your project so far. I remember reading your introduction and wondering how you would incorporate Patrick into everything. Your project is really creative. I also like how all of your pictures feature your Patrick figurine. Your stories are also pretty well written. You also had some really unique interpretations and story ideas for the source material. I like how you were able to tie together so many different sources of literature. There were a few times when I had a little trouble following along. The switching in the stories was a little confusing. I would also like to see some more of Patrick's personality in the stories. Overall it is a great project, you are really ambitious with everything you are trying to accomplish, and I am looking forward into seeing how the rest of it turns out. Keep up all of your hard work.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert,
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting website you have! At first, I was a little confused and concerned about how you were going to blend all of these very different stories together, but as I kept reading through the stories you've written, I thought you did a great job! My advice would be to make sure you stay consistent throughout your stories. There are a lot of moving parts with all of the different characters and traditions you are putting together. Its a little bit confusing right now, but I also think that may be part of your plan? A small edit I would have is in the story of Patrick and Jane Austen. At first, in Darcy's dialogue he sounds like he does in Pride and Prejudice, but as the story goes on he settles into a more modern way of speaking. I think it would be fun to show the juxtaposition of Fitzwilliam Darcy and Patrick Star through the way they speak.
Hey Albert! I have to say, once again, I love reading about Patrick Star's adventures in your blogs. And the fact that it will be a combination of what we have read in this class, Patrick Star, AND Dante's Inferno is hilarious/awesome. It is a fantastic idea. Patrick seems like a perfect parallel to Dante. I read both "Patrick and Jane Austen" and "Patrick and Herman Melville" and I think you have done a great job retaining the same kind of writing style found in The Divine Comedy and working Patrick and his classic mannerisms into your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Albert! I have to say, I loved your portfolio. Having the main character be Patrick descending into Hell like Dante is hilarious, and I thought your *subtle* 4/20 references fit the mood of the story. I especially liked the fact that you included Canto sections of each story, along with prose as well. It combined the feeling of the Divine Comedy with more digestible reading for an incredibly enjoyable experience. I do think that you could tie things to Indian Epics a bit more. If I didn't know that you were in the Indian Epics course and I didn't read the author's notes, I probably wouldn't guess it. You seem to be focused just a little too much on the Patrick's Inferno part, rather than the Indian myth part. Just adding a bit more structure from the Indian tales each story is supposed to be based on and adding in features for the Inferno part should fix that issue though.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert. You have the most interesting home page I have see so far. The banner choice seems perfect for your portfolio. I enjoy the little introduction as well. A small problem I see is that there are not any source links for your pictures. “Pride and Prejudice” has some great dialogue. Dialogue works great for books because they are smaller. My screen is somewhat large, this leaves a lot of empty space. The writing itself was fine. A little more detail or add some more pictures to help set the scene. As I dislike pictures at the bottom of the story. “Moby Dick” was a fine story. The data and time was a small, but great detail to add. You have quite an ambitious project. I feel like it would be better as a storybook, but your choice is your own. I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to your future writings.
ReplyDeleteHello Albert! Oh my gosh! I cracked up reading your stories! I love how all of your posts and stories are about Patrick Star! Your portfolio was great and it kind of goes along with your blog for this class! I read your stories and I love how you Incorporated Patrick into them in a subtle manner that does not interfere with the concepts of your stories, but it changes the entire story telling! They have slight correlation with the epics but you have made them your own and I love that! I cannot wait to read more of your work! I actually have your blog bookmarked so that I can stay up to date with Patrick and his adventures! Have a great day and best of luck with your future story tellings!
ReplyDeletethanks!
Delete-pat
Hey Albert, I'm back to see the star! Haha, I loved your story so much before that I had to come back and read Canto II. I still love that you are using such an Iconic and classic novel as your style of writing and that your using such a beloved character as your protagonist. I really enjoyed your second story, and thought it was extremely well written.Looking forward to reading your next one.
ReplyDeleteHi Albert (or should I address Patrick?)! Your story portfolio is definitely one of the more unique concepts that I've encountered. It took me a while to realize that the Patrick in your story is the famous starfish, and the banner was helpful in reaching that conclusion. I had to read one of your introductory blog posts to get a better understanding of the character (and you've really committed to the character!), so the portfolio might be well-served by a little more information about that. The way you structure each story is creative as well, and I was very drawn in by the Cantos. The shifts in style and perspective between those poems and the short stories that follow make the whole thing feel very dream-like which is an impressive effect. Overall, I think it's really cool that you've been able to synthesize classics from different cultures with more recent pop culture. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Albert! Your stories are really creative, however I feel they are a bit dialouge-heavy. It felt sort of rushed, because the story was full of short sentences that contained alot of momentum instead of reflection/detail. Adding more detail and information can really go a long way in extending the story and making it feel less rushed. The second story also was rather confusing for me. I couldn't quite tell what was going on. At first I thought Patrick was relaying the story but then he appeared in it which is congruent with the first story but it was in a different point-of-view. You have a really awesome and creative idea: the stories just need some details! Good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Albert!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to say that the inspiration for your storybook is crazy creative and really fascinating. I thought your first story was a little hard to follow. I think it might be because there are two contradicting forms of writing back to back with a limited transition. I really enjoyed the poem in both stories. The narrative portion for both stories are a little dialogue heavy so I would love to have had a little bit more background in the story to understand completely what was happening.
I think you do a really good job at drawing parallels between multiple stories that are very different! I really enjoyed reading both of your Author’s Notes to understand how in depth your conglomeration of stories really went. Overall, great job! You have taken a really creative approach to your project and I look forward to reading the rest of it!
Good afternoon young Tran,
ReplyDeleteI have decided to comeback and visit your project. It is coming together quite nicely. I focused more on your second story since i have already read the first one.
I really think it is cool how you start each one with a Canto and then into the short story by Patrick followed by the authors note. The layout is very unique and I haven't seen another project laid out like this. Great Job!. The only idea that I have that could help the layout would be to maybe move the picture up so people can visualize the Spouter a little earlier.
I also really like the authors note. It goes into great detail about the stories and really helps the reader make a connection with the original story. I also really the ideas you have combined in each of your stories. It is very creative.
The dialogue in your stories is great and helps the reader personalize with the character.
All around your stories are excellent and the only think that might help your stories is picture placement and maybe adding more color. But that isn't to important. Keep up the good work!!
Hey Albert! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections and the titles of your different stories. I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading both of your stories, “Patrick and Jane Austen” and “Patrick and Herman Melville!” I feel like the concept for both of your stories is really creative however your stories could be a little bit clearer. In your second story I think you should have a little bit more narration between the dialogues of your characters. That way the reader will have a better understanding of what is going on. Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
ReplyDeleteAlbert!
ReplyDeleteYour design of your project is really nice and intriguing! This is my first time viewing your website and I was really impressed! You did a great job at making all of your stories/layout etc. cohesive so that it is easy to understand what your trying to acccomplish. As far as your stories, the added dialogue is very nice. I think that the way you have the stories formatted is also interesting and different, yet effective. I appreciate the detail of your authors notes, as well as your note on the cover page about where all your story plots come from. You are really great at telling a story and I look forward to seeing the finished product! Great work!
Hi Albert! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I primarily enjoyed reading and being able to clearly see where you were taking the plot, as well as the characters and setting. I think you do a very good job at making sure there are no gaps in the plot and filling in information when needed and when necessary. I enjoyed the way you so graciously provided extra details and showed how each setting played out and were super intentional with the character development over time. You provided excellent vernacular and were very descriptive in every part of the story as well. I look forward to reading a lot more from you! Thank you again for sharing with us. The dialogue was wonderfully put and the concepts you created are outstanding. I never had to guess what was going on or who was speaking at certain points. I hope you have a wonderful week 12 and are enjoying writing because you have a gift for that, for sure!
ReplyDeleteHello again Albert! I just recently bought the Brothers Karamozov so I was excited to see a Dostoevsky addition to Patrick's adventures. I love how you are able to incorporate things that actually happen in these novels and insert Patrick into them. You keep the writing style of each story true to the novel that you are using for inspiration and you keep the characters the same. It took me a while to realize this but your storybook reminds me of the video game Kingdom Hearts. A mashup of different stories and characters all interacting with one main character.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert, I had remembered your Introduction where you said you were going to be doing stories from Patrick’s point of view so I wanted to check out your final project. I was so excited when I read that the first story was about Pride and Prejudice. I cannot even begin to count how many times I have read the book. I liked that you just killed Mr. Wickham off, instead of having him fall in love with one of Elizabeth’s sisters. Plus having an arrow kill him brought in an Indian Epics feel, mainly Rama. I have not read Dante’s Inferno, but I thought it was clever that you had Patrick be Mr. Darcy’s guide in helping Elizabeth become aware of Mr. Wickham’s true nature. It also reminded me of Hanuman guiding Rama to Sita. Great story and great final project, it seems like you have finished already. You have done an amazing job of incorporating stories from The Ramayana and The Mahabharata into classic literature stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert,
ReplyDeleteHad to come back for Patricks journey into the Inferno. I still love the theme of your story book and how you are retelling the Inferno with Patrick and different Indian tales. The dialogue in Canto III still is still amazing and the images were great and the Gifs of Patrick are always comical. Hopefully I get the chance to come and read another story before the semester is over.
Hi Albert! This is my second time viewing your portfolio. I definitely think the Spongebob theme is incredible and think you are doing a great job continuing the theme well and being constant with the characters in retrospect to the Ramayana. I recently read your story Fate and Patrick and thought you did an excellent job with the characterization of Patrick and Fyodor. I thought it was cool how you included a fight against injustice near the middle after Fyodor takes Patrick into slavery. I enjoyed the HR theme going here and thought you played out the justice well for the rest of the story. The portfolio website is easily accessible and easy to navigate through to see which stories to read! Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you have a great week 13 and a great rest of the semester! I look forward to reading more from you next week.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert! I think your project is amazing and was a great amount of fun to read over. Your idea is so creative and unique. I'm not sure if I've seen a project like this before. Your home page background image is hilarious and it really draws me into your project. I like the intro you give on your home page as well. It is nice to see where the inspiration for your project came from and how all the elements relate to each other. How Patrick goes through his journey meeting all of these notable author's is a really cool touch. I also like that even though your story and premise are so crazy, you still tie in your source Indian Epic stories so well. Your dialogue for each story is very descriptive and helps the reader understand the characters personalities more. Overall it's an amazing story and I am happy to have chosen it to review.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert! First I would say that i loved your portfolio! It was easy to navigate and nothing felt too clustered. I love the image that you have chosen since i mean who does not like Patrick Star? I also loved that you based your theme on Patrick. It is very unique way to approach a storytelling. Because of that uniqueness, your stories are very fun to read! The intro for your page got me hooked since you emphasized that you are basically connecting Indian Epics with Sponge Bob. Authors Note is also very strong and can easily make readers understand the original story if they haven't taken this class. Overall, nice work and keep up this excellent work! I will forward to reading more stories from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Albert,
ReplyDeleteWow I can really see you have passion for writing and are tech savvy.I love how you incorporated a funny part into your story. I got a good chuckle. I love it. I think you have done and amazing job and you should be so proud of your project.I really didn't think there was anything you needed to change. I am very bad at picking out the little details and find flaws. I am more of a big picture girl and I get what you are trying to say even if you mess up. I have read the first two stories and now I get the pleasure to read Brothers Karamazov. The last story of Portfolio. I really enjoyed all your stories and the little twists that you add into your stories with Patrick. I hope you had fun with this project, I know I did. Good luck with finals.
Hello Albert , Reading through your story I can see you took out a lot of time to make sense it looked good. I see Patrick is a big part of each and every story you have written as chance. But gaining all this different learning aspects for reading will help a lot of people out. And the Story I read is called "Moby Dick". The breakdown of the story help the flow of the dialogue look better.
ReplyDelete